Where are you setting your Goals?

I did a session with a client yesterday who expressed something that comes up so often with so many clients that I really believe it’s one of the fundamentals.

She was feeling dispirited because, in her own words, she was so far from her goals.

She was at a point where she was wondering if she was on the wrong path, if she had set herself unattainable targets, if she was just wasting her time on a dream. 

Her feelings were perfectly genuine, her angst very real. 

So I asked her, What if you didn’t look forward? 

She was confused.  What did I mean? 

What if you looked back?  She thought. I could see the lights going on. 

What would you say about where you are now? 

I’ve come a really long way, she said. 

And indeed, that’s a point in itself. 

Recognising and acknowledging where you are and how far you’ve travelled is something that isn’t done enough.  And one of the reasons that happens is that when we set our goals, we set them high and far, where we want to be.  That’s great, but one of the problems that arises from that is that it’s too easy to be caught in the negative thought of ‘I’m not there yet and it will take so long and so much work and maybe I can’t’. 

Of course the solution isn’t not to have those goals!  And once again, turning to the research can help us.  Objectives that take a long time to attain are known as ‘distal goals’.   Getting a university degree or a turnover of a million dollars are examples of distal goals.  However you don’t get to those distal goals without creating and achieving dozens and dozens of short term or ‘proximal’ goals.

And guess what?  The research demonstrates clearly that focusing on each proximal goal at a time makes for greater success in reaching the distal goal.  Focusing on detailed and specific proximal goals develops self-efficacy and increases intrinsic motivation.

In plain English, know what you are heading for in the end but set and focus on achieving each objective along the way (I’m going to add, and celebrate achieving them!).  You will not only increase your chances of getting to all your goals but moreover you’ll do so as a happier and more fulfilled human. 

So yes, recognise and acknowledge where you are and what it’s taken you to get here.  Then make a detailed plan of your next steps, your proximal goals, that will continue to take you towards that mountain peak.  Celebrate achieving each of them as you knock them off, create new ones as you need to, and see if that doesn’t remove some angst and help you enjoy the journey.